


I Like Shoyo Hinata

by lostmybeanie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Tokyo Training Camp Arc (Haikyuu), mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29624232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostmybeanie/pseuds/lostmybeanie
Summary: Kageyama Tobio has feelings, he definitely knows what they are. Now how does he get rid of them?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 4





	I Like Shoyo Hinata

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction i've ever written so it's a journey for us both to go on. This is mostly a way of me to have something to focus on but I hope you enjoy it!

Kageyama paced around his room, he wasn’t sure if his mind was blank or moving so fast that he couldn’t understand what it was saying. He’d remembered something similar happening before but never this much, never this severe. His mind was in a fog. He hated that it was colorless, like staring at a wall, yet thoughts still appeared in arching blurs. God, he just wanted to focus.

Focus.

Focus.

Breathe.

Then focus again.

This is why he hated feelings. He didn’t understand them he never did, he could identify them and try to express them the way that he was supposed to. The way that he’d seen throughout his life. He’d seen joy, sorrow, and all of the in between and he’d felt all of this too. But when it came to expression it was always a little bit off. It was always angry or maybe not angry but wrong. yeah, it was wrong. But, he could understand what these feelings are, he was sure of it. At least he wanted to understand.

But this feeling was new, he didn’t like it. It made his chest blossom and buzz and his head got fuzzy, it felt warped. But it was warm, he remembered that, it was nice, then it hurt. It hurt so bad that he wanted it to leave forever. He wanted to forget the nice warm feeling because the pain was so much worse.

It only happened when he saw him.

Hinata.

Why him? What was this feeling?

No, that wasn’t the right question. He knew what this feeling was; he'd seen it before in movies, in people walking down the street. It’s the feeling you get when you see or think about someone truly important to you. He didn’t want this feeling, so he knew the question to ask. How do I get rid of it? He wanted everything normal, if this feeling continued would Hinata even hit his sets anymore? Kageyama’s mind got filled with more and more questions. Would he and Hinata fight over this? They’d fought before but would this be different? Would it affect the rest of the team? Would he be able to set if this feeling was in the way?

Now he was sure. He has to get rid of this feeling. He would try anything honestly even if it was stupid. Anything, anything, anything for things to be normal. He remembered that someone had once told him to journal, he could write everything down so it was out in the open. So then he could try to understand, the concept of journaling made sense. But he didn’t want anyone to see it. So he would write and then throw it away. 

“If I throw it away, the feelings will be gone too. Right?”

Kageyama found a red journal that was sitting on his desk. He flipped to the end of the book and tore a small piece off of the back page. He sat down with a pen in his hand. 

This would work. It had to work. He couldn’t think of any other options. Looking at the paper made him remember the feeling. It sunk deep in his chest. Focus.

And he wrote, “I like Shoyo Hinata.”

He could feel the feeling blossoming again. He knew this would happen though, it was supposed to happen. He’ll let it blossom as he looks at this small piece of paper. He’ll let his brain melt as he remembers his friend, teammate, partner. His eyes when he is focused on the game that they loved. His laugh as they talk absently. His breathing as they race to a promise they made.

But he has to let it go. He can’t keep these feelings and now the pain comes. Again he lets it. He lets it sink deep into his chest. His heart feels like it will burst. He lets tears gather in his eyes, but not fall. They won’t fall. His eyes dry, and he crumples the small piece of paper. And goes to stand by his window. 

He knows he could just throw it in the trash, but he would remember that it’s there. Right there laying so close to him. He’d remember the feelings he’s throwing away. So he opens his window and drops the paper into the grass. Looking at the paper is hard now, but he looks until he’s completely empty.

His feelings are gone.

The paper’s not big enough for anyone to see if they were to walk by it so this works. He closes the window. It had worked; he felt none of the emotions that had consumed him just seconds ago. All of the memories that he has were back to normal. He is just a teammate.

His feelings are gone.

Maybe he does feel numb now. But he’s been through that before so he’ll survive. Maybe a mix of emotions are trying to break through. But he won’t let them. The feelings are gone though, so for now he’ll smile and go to sleep.

His feelings are gone.

\--------------------

When Kageyama woke up he didn’t exactly feel refreshed, just kind of there. He hadn’t been numb in quite a while but it was kind of comfortable to be back. It’s not like worries didn’t exist in this state; they were just covered by a grey area that made them look miniscule. They didn’t overflow his brain till only a white screen was visible, so this was fine.

He slipped comfortably into his morning routine. He didn’t have to think about this, you could say he droned through it. He showered, brushed his teeth, put on his uniform, checked that his bag had everything he needed for the day. This always took a while because even in a daze he checked it four times. He made his way to the kitchen and ate a piece of fruit and tucked his premade bento into his bag. He then checked the bag again taking count of each notebook, pencil, and pen. He slipped his shoes on and headed out the door.

This routine was easy, he stuck with it and it stuck with him. It wasn’t that his whole day was ruined if he missed something or some tragic accident would take place; just statistically, if he followed this his days seemed relatively normal. 

But today would be different anyway. He was just going to school for his supplementary exam and then to Tokyo. Not a regular event that took place but he was excited. He needed to improve.

Usually as he stepped outside he would grab his volleyball and hop on his bike to get to school. But as he touched the ball his numbed state began to thaw. The thoughts covered by grey escaped and became visible.

What if the feelings come back?

What if they can tell?

Will this affect how I play?

Kageyama quickly shut these down and returned to his stoic state. If any of those things happened he would just address it when the time came. Keep his face neutral, eyes ahead, hands relaxed; people won’t be able to tell. Remember the feelings are gone. His routine was in fact ruined, picking up the ball should last maybe a few seconds yet he stood there for a whole minute. But he continued and headed to school. There was only one thing on his mind

Focus.

Focus.

Focus.

He got to school and idly walked towards the class. Maybe it wouldn’t happen today? Maybe Hinata wouldn’t pop up behind him running at full speed? He knew what would happen but he didn’t want the feelings back.

No, he threw them away so they couldn’t come back.

He heard heavy breathing coming from behind him. Fuck. Don’t look, just run, just win. If Tobio looked he had a feeling that a warm feeling would come creeping ever so slowly back into his heart. He ran so fast. Hearing a muffled “KAGEYAMA,” behind him. win , win, win and then he won. He squatted down looking at the ground.

Please. Please don’t come back. He held his chest tight.

Kageyama looked up to see bright orange hair on an exhausted yet happy face. The feeling did not come back slowly, but so abruptly that he was stunned. His heart beat spiked and fell back down; it was both warm and painful. Like a pit formed in his chest and then filled with lovely things. Tobio hated it. 

He decided then and there that the paper had a time limit. He’ll have to do it again sometime today. His feelings were gone at least earlier this morning they were, so it had to have worked. He had to test this time limit or he wouldn’t make it through the training camp.

“HEy, hey Kageyama. We have a test, remember. Wake up sleepyama! We’ll be late come on.”

This definitely pulled him out of his daze. Yeah, he was annoyed and mad especially at himself but this dumbass was the one to cause those stupid feelings. He grabbed Hinata’s hair and started walking.

“I’m not asleep, dumbass.”

“Ow, ow, ow!” Two hands grabbed his and untangled them from the orange heap of hair. For just a second his hand was resting with Hinatas and he stomped away.

Test. Test. Test, no feelings.

He got to the classroom before Hinata did. took a small piece of paper out of his notebook. Looked to see if he was being watched and wrote.

“I Like Shoyo Hinata”

He didn’t dwell on it; he just tossed the piece of scrap in his bag and began his test.

His feelings are gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a schedule for releasing chapters but there will be more chapters.


End file.
